It is the day!
It is the hour!
To exercise your purchasing power!
Fuck Mother Nature and her ilk,
We need nothing but money's sweet milk!
And well, a sweater, to swallow our heads
And a tee tiny laptop to take to bed.
These things I see I've seen before;
The Onceler told me mass sales are in store!
People all want the things sheeple have,
It's all just a matter of supply and demand!
Here's a new and improved thneed we need,
No need to move a blanket
The remote's in the sleeve!
And now we never must move our big fat asses,
We can pay someone brown to mow the grasses.
And maybe to smell the flowers too-
And hike the mountains and share photos with you!
And we can watch their adventures on tivo,
With the travel channel, who needs wheir own show?
Nor more hobbies, no more conversation
Gelatin brains rock'n the nation!
No, sit still, no need to stir
Life will still pass quick like, in a whir
And when it's done we'll all be glad
To have had all the shit that we all had.
Here are some more Thneeds that we Need:
Cooking bacon is such a chore,
Kinda like pasta- what hell is in store!
So here are the links to lighten our yoke
And make us all happy instead of more broke.
And in case we're too tired to hold up our book,
Or tilt the light or take a look,
Here's a special helper for that,
A difficulty we can now all laugh at!
And now here's a video from The Onion,
So true that I laughed while covering the sweet ears of my youngun.
And now it's time to say goodbye
As I strap on a sandwichboard down to my thigh
Which reads "The Second Coming (of the Lorax) is Nigh!"