I have run the gamut of spirituality/religiousity in a mere thirty-five years on Earth. In retrospect, the evolution (devolution?) went a little something like this:
strict charismatic christianity>>>strict southern baptist sans charisma with baptism>>>methodist college with serious study of biblical formation>>>serious study of comparative religions>>>acceptance of philosophies of many eastern religions and questioning faith>>>agnosticism with scientific basis>>>athiesm with acceptance of positive philosophies of all religions>>> humanism>>>cynical humanism and disappointment
And that's where I stood. Cynical Humanism. It seemed based on both empirical and anecdotal evidence.
And on Saturday, something happened; an intimate participation with my psyche. This is something that no episode of my life compares. Something that I myself set up, but in some way expected to affirm my cynicism. Something that was powerful and beautiful and exhausting enough that I cannot yet describe or accurately speak about the experience. Something that resulted in me sleeping for four hours immediately afterward due to total exhaustion, without moving a muscle.
And on Saturday, I experienced something that I had eschewed as mere fantasy although such great minds as Socrates, Plato, and Pythagoras, Benjamin Franklin, Jack London, Napoleon, Mark Twain, Tolstoy, Henry Ford, Jung, and Ghandi... these minds all experienced and accepted the lovely intellectual gauntlet to which I am so newly exposed.
And suddenly, bizarrely, unexpectedly, I find myself embracing the genius of the subconscious, the power of meditation, the validity of the immortal spirit and the invalidity of physical death.
Everything. Everyone. Seems larger than my perception of "life", bigger than I had given them credit.
I will tell the story once I understand it. But I had to write that my subconscious is no longer asleep; it has been roused by internal experience.
Please, if you, my friend, are playful with your subconscious mind, if you understand your body's reaction to meditation, if you are at this place of self-examination and are introspective, call me. We need to chat over a glass of wine.